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Lighten Up! - Whenever you laugh, God smiles too... |
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When we laugh, we let go of our need to control our thoughts and God can slip in. We were intended to be joy-filled beings on our journey to this planet and whenever we are feeling joy - we are fulfilling our true purpose. We encourage you to begin each day with an intention to seek joy in everyone you meet and every experience you have. When you live in a state of joy, you attract only joyful people into your life experience.
"Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter is the beginning of prayer."
-- Reinhold Niebuhr |
The Bridge to Hawaii... |
An Olympic cyclist was training on a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The cyclist pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want"
The Lord said, Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel to make it! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she is thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says there is nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
 The First Cowardly Lions... |
It has been known for centuries that one of the greatest fears -- a fear that can make a coward out of the bravest soul is the fear of public speaking. What isn't widely known, however, is that this common fear first came to light during the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, Christians were often thrown to the lions as entertainment for the Roman Emperor and his family and guests. One day the spectators watched in amazement as a lion fiercely attacked a Christian. Even under the intensity of the lion's attack, the Christian managed to whisper something deep into the lion's ear that made him release his captive at once and run away roaring in pain. Lion after lion was sent in to devour the same Christian and each time, the same thing happened. Furious, the Emperor sent his Centurion down to the floor of the Colosseum to see what in the world that Christian was saying to his mighty lions that made them so afraid. After a while, the Centurion returned to report to his Emperor. "What the Christian is saying, Mighty Emperor, will astound you." "Address my subjects at the same time you address me," the Emperor said, pointing toward the waiting crowd. "Tell us all, what is that Christian saying that so terrifies the lions?" Mustering all of his courage, the Centurion turned toward the anxious crowd and said, "The Christian is telling each mighty lion that although he hasn't yet been told, after dinner he will be asked to say a few words to the crowd."
| Enlightenment Requires Patience |
Then Jesus took his disciples up to the mountain and gathering them around him, he taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,
Blessed are the meek,
Blessed are they that mourn,
Blessed are the merciful,
Blessed are they that thirst for justice,
Blessed are you when persecuted,
Blessed are you when you suffer,
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven."
Then Simon Peter said .... "Do we have to write this down?"
And Andrew said .... "Are we supposed to know this?"
And James said .... "Will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said .... "I don't have any paper!"
And Bartholomew said ...."Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said .... "The other disciples didn't have to learn this!"
And Matthew said ..."Can I go to the boy's room?"
And Judas said ...."What does this have to do with real life?"
Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan and inquired of Jesus: "Where are your anticipatory set and objectives in the cognitive domain?" And Jesus wept.
Our Father, who shall be termed party of
the first part, whose place of business
is in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom, pursuant to terms and conditions, come.
Thy will, duly uncontested, be done on
earth, insofar as existing statutes
permit, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this Thirty-first day of December, 2006, our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts, notwithstanding
claims, liens and legal costs, as we,
who shall be termed party of the second
part, forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, i.e.
sin, corruption, greed, gluttony, etc.,
but deliver us from evil, the nature of
which shall be determined by the court.
For thine is the Kingdom, and the Power,
and, pending appeal, the Glory forever. Amen.
 The Divine Candid Camera |
A little boy walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, he made his daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.
His mother, concerned that her son would be frightened as he walked home, quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little boy walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each the little boy would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she asked "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping and smiling?" The child answered, "I want to look nice. God keeps taking my picture"!
 Where Pets Came From |
It is reported that the following portion of the Book of Genesis was discovered among the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question of where pets come from.
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you always and be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.
And Adam said, "But, Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom, and all the good names are taken, and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged its tail.
After a time, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to God and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock, and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him always and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
 Why the Grass is always Greener... |
GOD:
St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn the leaves fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the
mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's about...
GOD:
Never mind, Sister. I just heard the whole plot from St. Francis.
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